Where's a good alien when ya need one?
by some guy4
Summary: Sick of the Super Saiyajin's? Need some good old fashioned kick ass martial arts and adventure? Find out what happens when the z fighters encounter a mysterious energy and there are no super powerful aliens to save them.
1. Default Chapter

Some guy is really just some guy so you needn't worry your little head about who wrote this stupid fic. This is not a silly romance fic nor an idiotic self insert fic where one would feature themselves (as perfect as can be with no faults whatsoever), likely with their pathetic best friends, getting sent to the world of DBZ and probably developing a romantic relationship with one of the characters anyway..Through this particular fic, I plan to introduce an uncommon point of view.  
  
I do not own DBZ (nor could I ever hope to create as good a series) or any other series that I may have thoroughly marred through creation of this parody.  
  
Basically, you don't want to know me and I don't want to know you so just read my fic and see if it is to your liking. And now without further ado, I present to you....  
  
Where's A Good Alien When Ya Need One?  
  
Chapter 1: Triple take  
  
Yamucha tensed up quickly as he noticed a disturbance of energy in the air. "Hey guys I just felt something!"  
  
As to be expected, all present stood up and looked on with concern.  
  
"I- I just felt it too." Kuririn stammered.  
  
" Hmm..It moves with great speed."  
  
"It's getting closer.." The tension throughout the room could be felt as everyone exchanged wary glances and shifted their eyes from one direction to another, almost as if listening for something.  
  
SMACK!!!  
  
"Damn mosquitoes!" Yamucha exclaimed as he flicked the little bugger off into oblivion, " Master Roushi! When are you gonna get some screens for your windows?"  
  
"Whenever you plan on going back to Bulma's place and watching the tube.." the old turtle hermit replied simply.  
  
That was the end of the discussion. Yamucha, Kuririn, Puar and Oolong all took up their designated places on the carpet. Yes, maybe years ago they would have enjoyed the prospect of returning to Bulma's house at the Capsule Corporation complex and watching one their friend's many big screen TVs but alas, those were better days.  
  
Now something evil lurked there.. More sinister than the thought of evil itself...Yes, the day the triangularly shaped-headed man had moved into West City had been a sad day for all that dwelt on the face of the planet earth.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT!?" Kuririn yelled jumping up suddenly.  
  
" Whatever it is, it sure is strong." Yamucha said with what resembled a grimace on his face.  
  
"And familiar, Hey! Wait a second!" Kuririn turned to Master Roushi with a serious down turned expression.  
  
"You let a fluffy didn't you?"  
  
"What's it to you"  
  
Oolong groaned and slumped down below the table. "Now I know why they call them old farts.."  
  
"I knew it," exclaimed Kuririn, "How could burritos possibly be healthy for someone your age?!"  
  
"Mind your own boy! If I had known you would become such an upstart I would have whipped you more often when I still could."  
  
" Master Roushi, Kuririn, is this what are problems have brought us to? Years of fighting for what we had once called justice and peace, training desperately with our friends and companions for this!! This symbol of savagery and collapse between the invisible chains that link us all together after all we've been through together, this aggression which has, like the aliens we have struggled against, brought us to a point where we are no longer human!!!" Puar's stinging statement seemed to rest upon the air as he held up his tiny paws, seemingly reaching out for the possibility of finding what remaining hope there was in the world for what they had once had...  
  
"You aren't human anyway Puar," Oolong replied bluntly.  
  
"Why you damn mother fuc&%^*!!"  
  
The little blue cat launched himself upon the pig and in no time they were animalistically tearing at each other within a cloud of tumultuous dust in the middle of the Kame House living room.  
  
Yamucha merely sighed with boredom and continued to watch Attack of the Killer Tomatoes on TV. Really, there was nothing to be bored about. In two years they would have to be trained and ready for a pair of androids that were supposedly going to attack the earth in hateful revenge against Gokuh who had destroyed the Red Ribbon Army in his youth. It wasgenerally accepted that they would suffer terrible losses and that most of them would die hideous deaths, he himself might even die, again. It kind of gave him a rush actually, just thinking about dying.  
  
"AHHHHHH!!!" yelled Kuririn having to shout even louder to make himself heard over the TV and the two fighting animals.  
  
" I haven't called Gokuh in an entire hour!!!" And with that the monk ran out of the living room and headed for the kitchen phone.  
  
I guess the moment was totally untimely for master Roushi to be picking his nose, but in any case-  
  
"AAUUUGHHHHHH!!!!" Master Roushi almost stuck his index figer straight up his brain upon hearing Kuririn's earsplitting cry of anguish. "Gokuh isn't there!!! Something terrible must have happened to him!!! Somebody must have kidnapped him or the androids may have gotten to him early or he may have died of some terrible dise-!!!!!!"  
  
Yamucha slapped the shorter man across the face. " Keep it together man!"  
  
"I'm sorry" Kuririn said in a much softer tone, " but he's not at his house, what would we do without Gokuh?"  
  
"Chill! He's probably just out fishing in a river full of gargantuan fish and poisonous water snakes, or taking Gohan out to train with him when he should really be studying, or maybe he can't answer because he knows that somebody's tapped his phonelines and- Come to think of it we better get our asses down to the Son residence right now!"  
  
Kuririn nodded excitedly with wide eyes.  
  
Together the two former students of Master Roushi struck a pose and pointed in some random direction that they assumed Gokuh's mountainside house was located in.  
  
"TO GOKUH'S PLACE!!!!!" They were about to fly right out the window when they heard master Roushi talk again.  
  
"Hey, wait a second you two, can't you sense that?"  
  
" Huh what is it master!?"  
  
"Hmmm..It feels like a strange energy." He placed his hands over his weathered wooden staff and concentrated from behind darkened sunglasses.  
  
" Is it powerful?" Kuririn asked nervously trying to get a fix on the energy himself.  
  
"It's difficult to tell, but it's definitely nothing good." Yamucha said with a clenched fist.  
  
Kuririn pouted. "You're just saying that to sound all important.."  
  
"So what if I am?" Puar and Oolong had briefly discontinued their squabble to listen in on the coversation.  
  
" Could it be the androids?"  
  
"SHH! Can't you see Yamucha's trying to concentrate?!"  
  
" Kuririn I think we better go check this out" Yamucha said motioning for Kuririn to follow him.  
  
" b-But what about Gokuh!?"  
  
"If I know anything about Gokuh, he and Gohan are probably already there by now."  
  
"Well, OK!" The two warriors took off to discover the source of this mysterious new energy. 


	2. just more bad omens

Okay, I know I won't be getting any reviews from you load of pansies but still I will continue to write this fic because I actually put a lot of thought into this prior to it's actual writing . Maybe some of you will actually learn to appreciate good wholesome literature.  
  
Okay, it's time for chapter 2 then  
  
CHAPTER 2: Only more bad omens.  
  
"Ten"  
  
"TEN!"  
  
Chaozu attempted to get the attention of his best friend and training partner, three-eyed, one-time World martial arts tournament champion, Tenshinhan as the warrior continued to pound into the solid ice on the side of the arctic mountain that they were currently training on. He had been meaning to talk to him and though Ten was a reasonable person, this wouldn't exactly be something he'd want talk about. He had to keep trying.  
  
=TENTENTENTENTEN!!!!!!=  
  
=Gosh! Chaozu there's an echo out here as it is. You didn't have to use telepathy. We're standing right next to each other.=  
  
Chaozu dropped out of Ten's mind and breathed a cloud of warmth into the frigid atmosphere. "Ten, I tried that but you wont listen to me, you're concentrating too hard on your training and that's-"  
  
"Hey, what is that?" Tenshinhan suddenly noticed something unusual in the earth's energies.  
  
"Huh?" It was easy for Chaozu to sense the energy source his friend was referring too with his amazing psychic ability. In fact he probably would've noticed it earlier if he hadn't been so worried about talking to Tenshinhan. "That's strange, it's definitely no one we know."  
  
" Okay, let's go fight it!" There was obvious enthusiasm in Tenshinhan's voice.  
  
"But we don't even know if it's an enem-"  
  
"Seriously! When was the last time we felt a strange, unfamiliar energy and it wasn't some alien out to kill us all? In fact, if this isn't a foe I will eat my hat."  
  
"But you're not wearing a hat."  
  
"It's an expression Chaozu."  
  
"Well, it's not a very good expression."  
  
"Fine then, I'll eat yours. Now let's go!"  
  
"Ten, you can't! That's what I've been saying! You've been training so hard you're beating yourself up. You're not getting enough rest and there's no way you're ready to go fight some battle!"  
  
"Chaozu, I'm fine. You know I can handle this."  
  
Chaozu frowned. "Just look at you, that- that bruise on your jaw!"  
  
" That was from a stray boulder. No big deal-"  
  
"The cut on your forehead."  
  
" Um, chunk of ice tha-"  
  
"Burn on your brow."  
  
"Err.toaster oven?"  
  
Silence.  
  
"What? It was a vicious toaster oven! Really!"  
  
" We should go join up with Gokuh and the others.we'll take care of this better as a group."  
  
"But Chaozu, they're probably already over there by now. We should go meet them."  
  
The shorter fighter sighed and finally got out of his cross-armed stance. "Okay let's go," he said.  
  
Tenshinhan merely grinned his noble grin and the two of them sped off to find their friends and hopefully, whatever the strange energy is.  
  
Meanwhile, elsewhere, at nearly uncharted altitudes.  
  
He sits from his high and sacred perch, ignoring all the petty events of the world unraveling below him. No, he looks to the sky, the limitless blue that defines his very potential. Oh yeah, we're talking major potential. He who scaled Karin's tower with the weight of an injured and bothersome child, with nary a bite to eat nor a moments rest. He had had rescued that same annoying child from certain death at the hands of a face first collision with the rugged ground. The warrior who, at great personal risk, had severed the tail of a giant alien ape attempting to crush, once again, the spiky haired brat. So great was this warrior's self discipline that he had survived on a few meager beans and near complete isolation from all other human life for years. CALL HIM WHAT YOU WILL! SAIYAJIN SLAYER! LONE WOLF!! BRINGER OF JUSTICE! NONETHELESS, THESE TITLES ALL BELONG UNDER ONE NAME--!!!!!  
  
"YAJIROBE!!! GET YOUR FAT ASS OFF MY ROOF RIGHT NOW AND TAKE THESE BEANS FOR ME!!!! I MEAN NOW!!!!"  
  
The overweight fighter was pulled from his delusions of grandeur by the voice of the master of the tower. Karin, a cat of 800 years was not one to be disobeyed.  
  
" Take'em yourself, Fluffy! I just got back from getting your groceries! I don't have to exert myself for the likes of you!"  
  
Master Karin wiped a white paw across his brow, holding his wooden staff in the other. "I don't have time for this you insubordinate. There's something strange going on on the surface and I want you to bring some of these senzu beans to Gokuh and the others just in case."  
  
"What now." muttered Yajirobe lifting himself with some effort from the dome shaped roof. " Okay, but as long as I don't have to get involved!"  
  
"Believe me," replied Karin, "They'd have to be crazy to want you help. They won't ask."  
  
" Say what you want old one, I almost kicked Gokuh's butt when he was a little punk."  
  
"Well he isn't a little punk now, and right now you're not getting your behind down to earth! Go!!"  
  
"Alright already, alright already."  
  
And with that, another warrior set off to join the party. 


	3. meet the new incredibly unbeatable villa...

Okay, I haven't wrote anything for this fic in a while but I still like my idea so I'm gonna push on with it, even if I end up working on it till I'm 50..or not..anyway here's chapter 3 of the story that no one cares about ---------------------------------------------------------------------------- ----------------------------------------------------- CHAPTER 3: MEET THE NEW INCREDIBLY UNBEATABLE VILLAIN!!! (surprise, surprise*cough*)  
  
We return to our heroes who are all heading in the same direction towards and unknown and seemingly powerful energy, which of course can only mean one thing. You guessed it! Free hot dogs for everyone! HELL NO! It means some other unrealistically powerful punk has decided to take over the world or destroy it for some demented reason or the other!! ..Ahem, we now return to our regularly scheduled program...  
  
"It's close now Ten, I can feel it, but I don't see any destruction yet." Chaozu surveyed the city below them as he and Tenshinhan flew over, probably too fast for them to have even seen Godzilla rampaging through anyway.  
  
" Well, the chances are, if they've done their research correctly, they already know about us and there would really be pointless for them to commence their destruction if we weren't all there at the start."  
  
"What do you mean? Couldn't he they just be all sneaky like and ambush us all one by one before we had a chance to join up against them?"  
  
"..Well, whoever it is, they're probably arrogant if they're not even making an attempt to mask their power. They obviously mean to draw us to where they are."  
  
"Are you sure? Maybe they just don't know how to mask their energy."  
  
"What? Oh forget it! We should just stop speculating and wait until we actually find this person!"  
  
"Okay Ten"  
  
With another burst of speed, the two friends at extremes of opposite size flew towards their nearing destination.  
  
Meanwhile, Yamucha and Kuririn are also on their way and the flight is taking a little longer than they had first guessed..  
  
Yamucha let out a long yawn. =crunch crunch= He stretched his arms out a bit and dropped them back to his sides. =crunch= He shook out his legs a bit and watched a passing UFO speed across the sky. =chomp= After tiring of the landscape he scratched his head and blinked a couple of times. =crunch= He stretched his neck this way and that and crossed his arms =CHOMP==CRRRUNCH=  
  
" DAMMIT KURIRIN!! STOP THAT ALREADY!!! DO YOU WANT TO BITE YOUR WHOLE DAMN HAND OFF!!!!???"  
  
Kuririn looked sadly at his fingernails, now reduced to practically nothing. " I'm sorry, It's just that I'm nervous."  
  
"Nervous about what? It's not like we haven't been killed before! It's not that bad!"  
  
"But Yamucha, if we get killed this time we won't be able to get wished back by the Dragonballs. Come to think of it, we don't even have Dragonballs anymore!"  
  
" Don't be stupid, you know that they'll just find some other utterly illogical way to bring us back to life anyway. Dragonaballs or no Dragonballs." "Man, this is worse than Sherlock Holmes."  
  
"You bet it is! For God's sake no one has ever actually stayed dead yet! Much less for even a year!"  
  
"Well in any case. It's not that I'm worried about," Kuririn continued after a while.  
  
" Okay, then why are you mutilating your fingers anyway?"  
  
"It's.I.Don't feel Gokuh yet. Shouldn't he be there?" Kuririn swiveled his head neurotically from side to side, " I definitely thought we would meet up with him by now."  
  
"You're right there's probably-Hey! Wait a minute!!" Yamucha stopped abruptly causing Kuririn to bump into him and stop as well.  
  
" Huh, why'd you stop?" asked Kuririn rubbing his head.  
  
"Kuririn, can't you see what's happening to us!?"  
  
"What do you mean, besides getting ready to fight a horrible battle in which we will die terrible deaths?"  
  
"NO! GOKUH IS CONTROLLING OUR MINDS!!!!!!!"  
  
Kuririn blinked a few times..  
  
"Really? I just thought it was some psychological issue in which we were becoming too dependent on Gokuh for his leadership and superior strength that we have never managed without before so we have come to think we can't do anything without his help and have lost our sense of independence entirely."  
  
"Oh yeah, that too."  
  
"GREAT GALAXIES!! We must be close now! Did you feel that Yamucha?"  
  
"Yeah! We better hurry up! C'mon!"  
  
The two warriors quickly took flight again, now with apprehension. They were closing in on their target and they did not know what to expect. Farther up they began to notice they were entering a large city. What kind of DBZ villain would confront the Z fighters in a city (seriously?)? We have but a short while to wait and find out.  
  
Yamucha and Kuririn could feel the hair prickling at the backs of their necks...okay, so Kuririn could feel the prespiration begin to trickle down the back of his very blindingly bald head. When they felt they had reached the definite source of the energy they dropped down into the city into what appeared to be an abandoned two-story supermarket. In gaining consciousness of their surroundings they soon realized they were not surrounded by merely empty shelves and crates.  
  
"Kuririn."  
  
"Tenshinhan!"  
  
"Yamucha."  
  
"Teshinhan.."  
  
"Chaozu!"  
  
"Kuririn!" "...Armadillo?"  
  
"YAJIROBE!!! IT'S YAJIROBE~!!"  
  
"Hey, aren't you that guy that- "  
  
"Y-A-J-I-R-O-B-E-!! What do you not understand?!"  
  
"Ten!"  
  
"Um, Chaozu, I already know you're here. We came together, remember?"  
  
"oh, that's right."  
  
BAAAAKOOOOOOOOM!!!  
  
In a tremendous explosion, the Z fighters found themselves scattered across two sides of a 'room' formerly having a back wall and the other two thirds of it's floor, now replaced by smoldering wreckage and a beautiful view of the, as always, perfectly blue sky with slight traces of cumulonimbus clouds.  
  
"HOLY SHIT!!! WHAT WAS THAT!?"  
  
"That was me."  
  
DADADAH!!!  
  
"OH MY GOD who are you???!!!"  
  
BABARABAAA~!!  
  
"I am that which all living on this planet will soon come to know above all if anything else."  
  
DUNDUNDU~N!!  
  
"I am the one and only."  
  
BAM!! BUDDAHBAM!!  
  
" .the all powerful.."  
  
DODODODO~N!!  
  
"..the invincible."  
  
BOOO~M!!!!!!!!  
  
".I AM................................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
KABOOM!!!!!!  
  
"Um.Chaozu, I think you and Yajirobe have just broken the record for the most number of times tripping over the exact same steel crate in succession...WOULD YOU CUT IT OUT!!"  
  
Chaozu and Yajirobe picked themselves off the ground and dusted their terribly bruised bodies off.  
  
"S-Sorry, It's k-k-kind of hard to keep your balance when you've been that surprised."  
  
"I think I just wet myself...oh, and you guys probably aren't gonna want these beans anymore."  
  
"AHEM!!!!"  
  
All present turned their exrtremely short-spanned attention back to the mysterious speaker.  
  
"Okay then..I AM.........................!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"  
  
Right that was a pretty ridiculous chapter but I'm amazed I even wrote it at all. Yes I know, quite a cliffhanger here but it's not as if you really care about this fic anyway. 


	4. howdy

Yo, this is just a message letting my nonexistent readers know that I will actually begin to write consistently on this fic soon. Starting highschool has been a pain but now that I'm settled I can get some of this done. Yes, I know, it was quite a cliffhanger but I'm sticking to the DBZ way of things and drawing out each chapter as much as I possibly can. Things will get pretty messed up soon so stay tuned my little flunkies. 


End file.
